Exclusive: New revolutionary product redefines category[ Company ] is about to announce a revolutionary new [ service / product / device ] that is bound to redefine the market. After achieving domination in [other market that bears little relation to the new market being entered], the company will now force all the incumbents to rethink their approach due to the radical introduction of [technology previously tested unsuccessfully by other companies], a never-before-seen combination in a product of that kind. Combined with its outrageously low price tag, the new product will clearly crush the aspirations of [existing similar product from competitor] in the marketplace as customers will rush to purchase the new product. [Analyst with previous favorable bias towards the company ] said “this is clearly a category killer. While many have tried entering this segment of the market, this is the first offering that is bound to appeal to consumers. It clearly that it required [company]’s expertise to make the pieces fit in the best way possible.” [Famous blogger who posts religiously about the company] added that “[company] has done it again. It is clear that its competitors are now doomed to failure and will be crushed as a result of this new product. They might as well throw in the towel now as this new approach clearly shows that they are on a short term death watch at this point, with no chance for redemption. Why would their other businesses continue to exist considering the importance of this new feature.” [Supporter of company’s opponents] said that such a new feature may help the company in the short but was largely a copy of what other companies have done in the past. Take, for example, what [the supporter’s favorite company] did with [vaguely similar idea] several years ago. It is clear that [company] is only copying what others have done and claiming it is innovative.”
Industry now dead! We’re all doomed
The recent rumor surrounding the [assumed] release of new [service / product / device ] clearly show that the industry is in the midst of a transition that will lead to the death of everything we now know. Take, for example, [traditional industry that has existed for centuries or more]. It is clear that they will no longer be able to survive in a world where [service / product / device ] exists as their livelihood was clearly based on making money out of what is now an assumed feature in the rumored [service / product / device].
Remember when [company] introduced [successful product]. That product ended up killing [industry that was doing a decent job of committing suicide]. The new [ service / product / device ] is obviously going to do the same for [new industry that may or may not be related ]. That is what makes [ company ] a true innovator: its ability at locking up existing industry and locking out existing players in order to derive great profits for itself.
Because [company] is obviously going to own the new industry, any criticism of its strategy should be dismissed or at least ignored as it is clear that [company] does not like criticism and will try to crush any critic. As an affirmed blogger, it is better to be toeing the party line provided by [company] in order to ensure that one still has a chance at the hope of dreaming to be invited to a future company product release. As it is clear that company has made the market better for consumers by destroying the incumbents in [industry], it is also clear that anything that may shine a light on [company]’s abuse is an attempt at manipulation by [company’s] competitors.
Taking the two templates above and cycling through most of the large players’ names on a weekly basis will ensure that you are seen as an important technology pundit and will allow you to get a high Klout score and lots of followers on the social network of your choice.